Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
