i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
