glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
