I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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