A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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