Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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