will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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