Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we're so committed to being not committed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
