Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
