girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
