somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
