Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
