but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
