Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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