the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
