Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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