we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
