Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
