I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
