I just made out with a guy for $7.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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