And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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