You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
