if you like me you must not know who I am
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
