dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
as a side note pls kill me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
