...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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