there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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