i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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