im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
