im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
