dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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