nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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