I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
