Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we made out on top of his cat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
