Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Soap is not a condiment
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
