youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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