This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize