After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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