the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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