you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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