I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
should my penis look like a turkey
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
