I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
