Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
