He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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