GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
