Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
