Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
