I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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