why didn't you poke me back
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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