Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
