It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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