Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
