Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You can't motorboat a personality
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
