It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
