The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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