I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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