you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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