What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
