I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
