he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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