On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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