And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
