When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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