im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
