This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
