I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
