Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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